What If Pokemon Were Real?
I remember growing up wanting nothing more than to just roam the world with all my Pokemon friends from my Gameboy, TV, and Pokemon cards. I would sit there and think of all the fun adventures we we have, all the gym badges we would win, and how I would become a true Pokemon Master! Sadly those dreams never came true. Here we are fast approaching the 20th Anniversary of Pokemon, and I think I have to face the facts.
But for fun I thought it would be fun to take a look at how things would be if our world was crawling with Pikachus, Charizards, and Zubats! To do so let’s take a little stroll down memory lane. But for fun I thought it would be fun to take a look at how things would be if our world was crawling with Pikachus, Charizards, and Zubats! To do so let’s take a little stroll down memory lane.
As a Child I was forced to make the most difficult decision of my life! Minutes into my my first playthrough of Pokemon Red Version–which is how I was introduced to Pokemon–Professor Oak made me choose between a Charmander, Squirtle, and a Bulbasaur! Immediately after which I am forced into a battle with his over confident grandson! Now in this day and age I can only Imagine how this would have actually played out. I mean if we break a Pokemon down to it’s base elements a Pokemon is merely an animal with super powers. Now I am no lawyer, but I’m pretty confident in saying that we have something along the lines of people battling their animals with other people’s animals for money in our reality. I’m also pretty confident in saying that not only is it extremely frowned upon…It’s extremely illegal! For the sake of seeing what our world would be like with Pokemon let’s imagine this concept isn’t as morally reprehensible as it is in our reality.
Now I know healthcare has taken great strides in the past few decades, but it has not come anywhere near the capabilities of Nurse Joy! We can’t fool ourselves and think that these Pokemon battles would be anything other than a brutal and violent clash of power causing catastrophic injuries. The games do show us a glimpse of the reality of fighting Pokemon with your rival’s Raticate passing away, and Lavender town in general being there to pay respects to your dead Pokemon.
I remember right after I kicked Professor Oak’s grandsons butt all the way to Mt. Moon I began my real adventure as a Pokemon Trainer! I remember slowly walking out of the Professor’s lab–I never did learn how to run–the only thing on my mind was how can I catch more Pokemon! After I ran a couple of errands I ran into a nice old man (Now that he’s had his coffee!) that took the time to show me how to do just that! I watched him as he ran into a Lvl 5 Weedle. He hurled his only pokeball with everything he had catching Weedle on his first try! Ahhh the pokeball. In my world such things are mere science fiction. How this old man would’ve gone about obtaining this Weedle for his collection in my world would not look as charming as a pokeball rocking back and forth a few times before hearing the cheerful melody of sweet victory! No no no no… the old man man would have gone charging in with a gun, yanked the weedle up, and stuffed him in a cage in the bed of his pickup truck! I do feel some of us would be able to eventually form bonds with Pokemon, and I don’t feel everyone would take a negative approach. Though I don’t know too many animals that are so willing it just leave their homes to go be at the beck and call of a human…
Okay here’s where the thought of Pokemon being real gets uncomfortable. I’m no elephant, but I recall Ash craving a cheeseburger a time or two. If our animals are Pokemon either we’re talking about the populace as a whole being vegan or were talking about a ground up Miltank with cheese. Were talking about Togepi over easy with Mankey bacon for breakfast, and fried Pidgey with mashed potatoes for dinner! Not to mention the hunting that would be done for sport! The Ninetails fur coats, and the Arcanine hide rugs. We wouldn’t treat them any different than we do the animals we have now right? Our clinical trial test subjects would be Rattatas, and Mankeys! If we could make money off a Pokemon in anyway.. You better believe it’s going to be made. Again, not all people will be hunting Legendary Pokemon to be sold to the highest bidder, but the Jessie, James, and Meowths of the world gotta eat gotta eat right?
I can’t remember how many times Ash got burned by Charizard, or Pikachu used Thunderbolt on Team Rocket. What I do know is that where I come from 100,000 volts would not send me “Blasting of again!” It would however warrant a trip to the hospital if not the morgue! Knowing this they would most certainly be used as weapons by governments, gangs, and individuals alike. They even demonstrated this in the anime with all Officer Jenny being paired with various Pokemon, generally Growlithe, to fight crime. In the latest games Pokemon X & Pokemon Y the King talks about an ancient war, and how Pokemon were killed in it. I just wonder what a Dragonite’s Hyper beam would do to a tank? Warfare would be an interesting thing to say the least. Humans with guns fighting side by side with Pokemon would make for a devastating combinations for humans and Pokemon alike.
“Looks like we’re blasting off againnn!”
All of this is based on the presumption that we as humans would even be the dominant species in a world full of Pokemon. Imagine evolving side by side with the dinosaurs..now imagine evolving side by side with superpowered dinosaurs!?! Now I know Pokemon eat these cute little balls of Pokemon food, but those don’t just fall off a tree. No, those are man made. Without a scientifically advanced human species Pokemon are going to be looking elsewhere for that nutrition, and I don’t think their diet is going to consist of just berries and leaves! Sure I’m sure we would survive, and get by just as any species does, but when it comes to fighting for the top spot of the food chain I feel humans sticks and stones would fall short when compared to an angry Onix hurling boulders the size of of mini vans!
Do I regret wishing Pokemon were real every time I blew out the candles on my Birthday cake? No, but now that I am older I’m glad that my Pokemon friends are safe from the realities of our world. Sadly trapped in my Gameboy, TV, cards, and memories is where you belong.
Written by: Tony Hand